I like tags (in fact I have more tags than I have entries), I like to know where things are, and I like to organise things. A lot. I don't have an insane amount of fic in this journal (yet) but I'm doing this for posterity. Anything rated PG-13 and below will not have a displayed rating. Similarly, do read with discretion (I do try to give out proper warnings on the entries themselves) and don't come bitching to me if you saw something you didn't like, yes? Proceed!

( Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. )

I'm back. Kind of. I'm house/dog-sitting for my neighbours and thus get access to their internets. Mind you, I was probably more amused than I ought to have been that they're SOOOOO CHRISTIAN that even the lock for their computer is some... Biblical... psalm... thing?

H'mmm, so many things have happened since I was last on. I did write a lot of mopey wank a couple weeks ago because I was thinking about how my beloved rat Klaus had recently died but never got around to posting it. I can safely say that I was having some sort of mid-life crisis wangst about being twenty. Because to me, twenty isn't that old, but at twenty, that's twenty years I've spent on this planet and I have shockingly little to show for it.

My birthday was on the eleventh, so a big thanks to everyone that remembered (or rather, was reminded by LJ?) and messaged me. Especially this big GAYLORD I know that texted me as soon as it was midnight. Yeah, you know who you are, homo. My friend and sister took me to Disneyland ('cos it was free), and then somehow convinced me to go on the rollercoaster at California Adventure. Mind you, I am terrified of heights, therefore I haven't been on a proper rollercoaster in years. I was holding on so tight that I couldn't take my hands off the bar!

I still feel as if I should limit my time spent in front of a computer, because I find that I absolutely loathe the thought of the countless hours I've spent doing just that. It's bloody bizarre how machine-like humans have become, with all the repetitive motions of clicking and typing, and not actually thinking about it (well, for me at least, because I'm an excellent typist; in fact, this keyboard is so old and used that most of the letters are worn away yet I know the QWERTY like the back of my hand; which only strengthens my point). We're just plugged in, in a sense.

Computers also don't... smell right. Does that bother anyone? I'd rather be at the library, sitting on the floor of a deserted aisle and safely nestled in that dry, dusty tell-tale smell of books. The same way we're so used to remastering, clear and perfectly crisp digital bits of data, that when you go to an opera or hear music live, you find yourself frowning and complaining about the quality, not realising that that is how sounds are meant to be heard, not carefully rearranged and guided to your ears alone.

Uh... I'm pretty sure I had planned other things to talk about but they escape me at the moment. AUF WIEDERSEHEN, FRIENDS LIST, HOPEFULLY YOU WILL SEE ME AGAIN SOON!

Ever get that feeling when you realise that you're just not quite in touch with reality and, really, nineteen is a terribly young age for your poor little brain to be deteriorating?

Yeah.

I had one of those moments yesterday.

I was on the phone with my mate for like an hour, and as we're ready to say our good-byes and go make our respective dinners, I had this immense panic as I stuck my hands in my pockets and realised I couldn't find my phone. I actually raced inside and begun looking everywhere I had been, trying to retrace my footsteps, all the while telling my friend that I seemed to have lost my phone.

Whilst... I was on the phone with him.

FML.

Title: Bloodbeat
Pairing: Poland/Lithuania
Rating: NC-17... FOR DICKS~
Warnings: SHAMELESS PWP. Er... kind of violent, kind of fetish-y. Just a tad. No one is surprised.
Ramblings: Moar crap from hetalia_kink meme, originally posted there under some stupid name that I forgot. This is months old, I can't believe it! It's also for i_are_qualified 'cos ages ago I asked her for a pairing and she gave me this. Then the next day I saw a prompt for the pairing on the kink meme, requesting a crossdresing Poland topping Liet. Hard. So... in my head that translated to POLAND IS KIND OF A DOM. Anyway, yeah, this was so half-assed because I was trying to write something in PAST TENSE but IDGAF.

( Poland stopped his breathing and his heart and his thoughts. )

MISSED YOU GUYS~ ;3;

I've been too lazy/boring to actually update my journal (and thus, have no idea what anyone has been up to or if you died). Plus, as I've already told some peeps (I think? Can't be arsed to go back and check my old entries), we didn't pay the internets bill so I've been struggling to steal a connection. Like a boss. I am on messenger fairly often when it's not shitting out on me so if you'd like, I'll give you my AIM/YIM. Oh, I will write a proper entry later though, more than likely with lots of stupid pictures and porn.

[01:35] Tobi: oh god that was like
[01:35] Tobi: playing ace attorney
[01:35] Beau: LMAO
[01:35] Tobi: such a stubborn witness. my heart is racing x,DDD
[01:35] Beau: DID YOU SAVE AND THEN SYSTEMATICALLY GO THROUGH ALL YOUR EVIDENCE?

Heej and I also started up a lulzy Hetalia RP so it's pretty much like a black hole for my time and nonexistent social life... Needs to be moar creative (I swear though, I have been drawing moar!). And reading Tolstoy. But also Bridget Jones' Diary. Takin' the classics with the pop culture. It's cute and rather funny but I really despise parts of the writing. Why do people think that in order for it to be a "diary" you need to write like thus:

Went to the store. Could not find mayo. Did remember to pick up ramen.

It's just bloody annoying. I don't have a paper diary but if I did it wouldn't look so stupid. Ohhh, and, if anyone wants to bug me via texts and has Verizon, exchange numbers y/y? Don't worry, despite what Heej says, I'm not an online predator and am a real semi-gentlemanly nineteen year-old boy, not an forty year-old pedobear.

I don't know why but I've got this sudden chill despite it being so hot in California. It's not cold cold yet you feel it through each thin layer of skin and fat and muscle, and all your old injuries start to ache. My scars sometimes have phantom pangs but mostly they just start to itch in the way that scratching won't soothe and it brings back a lot of nasty memories of having to pull my own stitches out.

I'm in a weird mood. I don't want to go home. I don't want to do anything.

I should probably write. And stop drawing naked people in everyone's sketchbooks. Maybe not.

Oh, good lord, it was so hot today. The family... get-together... party thing was at my aunt's house and she lives much further inland. Urrrrgh sunlight. Anyway, I found my pocket-sized Moleskine sketchbook today so I brought it with me so my sister and I could doodle whilst looking all emo in the corner.

Uploaded all of these to my DA but these are bigger, separate versions so that you can fully appreciate our stupidity.

( LYF IS GUD ARU~! )

So, not too long ago, cleartempest and I were like, HAY WHERE IS PORTUGAL AND NETHERLANDS AND INDIA AND MEXICO AND- so I was thinking, one of these days I'mma do some proper drawings of all of them. In my head canon, India is a woman, Mexico is a man, Portugal is also a man, but... hmmm, Netherlands? She suggested we needed a female imperialist in Hetalia, and I quite agree (well, not that we need more imperialism, but you know, moar ladies) - STFD for a sec, partiarchy.

Unfortunately, I didn't discover until I drew it but that there was a "Holland" who, I take it, is Netherlands (Holland is not the proper name!). They never exactly made an appearance (or so the sauces say), but they're described as Belgium's older brother, and apparently they are: "a very tall and strong man, who likes really young women and thinks nothing of using some types of shady drugs. He once fought with Turkey over the title of The Tulip Country. "

And I was all, oh BOOO, THE DUTCH EMPIRE IS A MAN? I've also seen Holland/Netherlands portrayed as a man in fic cameos. But you know what, I made Holland a woman. A badass, tall, strong woman that likes really young women and thinks nothing of using some types of shady drugs and has manry fights with Turkey about tulips.

To me, the Hetalia-verse Triple Alliance (1788) is that much more interesting to think of England, Prussia, and a female Netherlands with Cho proportions. If I could draw, that would be her body. Giganta, Amazonian type. His stuff isn't exactly what a "real" woman looks like, but it's a far cry from scrawny little stick figures that are somehow supposed to represent female anatomy. My roommate had tons of his stuff and I just loved it - the women were big. Not fat, but they had muscular definition, thighs, full hips, and looked like they could kick everyone's asses and look damn good doing it.

( Anyway, here is my 'Holland'. Crappy scan is crappy. )

After my sister read this article (which I've been showing to everyone, really) we decided to draw a comic. Japan does not approve of porn being outlawed anywhere!

( NO PORN? )